so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
