i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
