Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
