it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
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