woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
