Just cropdusted the office
they need to just BURY HIM!
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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