Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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