im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I woke up under a house in Key West
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