i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
splinters make it hard to masturbate
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
