My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
