mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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