He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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