I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
