I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
