This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
