About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
