I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
