why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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