farters have to be the big spoon...
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
