Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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