The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
