Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
