I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
