woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
