are you so shy because you have an std?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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