Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
