1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
