Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
