i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
