after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
50% drunk capacity currently
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
