too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
