Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
