my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
