If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
