Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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