I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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