Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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