It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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