I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
nutella sex= disaster
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
