He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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