Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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