he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
