I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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