Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
