From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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