Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
