Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
