my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
