WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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