she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
