Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
