she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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